Culture Vs. Kindness
It was in Prague a couple of years ago. I remember standing on the platform at the train station en route to Budapest. When the train arrived, of course we all rushed towards the boarding areas with luggage. Imagine complete commotion. I looked over and saw that this elderly woman was getting swallowed up in the chaos. When we were allowed to finally board, I scooted to the side just enough to let her through. It was a free-for-all situation, and that brief moment of space quickly filled in with a younger, quicker passenger that, had we been on U.S. soil, would have been called out on “Cut-sees.” To my surprise, the woman didn’t react. In the days following, there were similar situations. How many times someone would let the door go behind him/her so that it shut just before I could catch it… That was my introduction to “Rude behavior is not rude at all” in many parts of the world. For example, what some might consider belching at the table as offensive, others see as the ultimate compliment. Go to the Philippines, you should expect to eat whenever you’re offered food… please just eat some of it. I understand it’s the same way in Italy. A “When in Rome…” attitude.
Then, there’s culture of kindness. Yes, kindness. At first glance, the word kindness seems like an outdated, on-the-surface, non-provoking notion. But, after an encounter yesterday, I see that being kind is a virtue that is taken for granted with rudeness cutting in line. It was the Flugtag event- an entertaining display of wannabe air crafts taking off a ramp, usually resulting in a straight nose dive into the water- in this case, the body of water was the Rainbow Harbor in Long Beach. I was walking out to meet my friends when a woman in her car got my attention. “Hey, do you know where the Hyatt is?” I could tell she was in a hurry. There was a neon orange 8 x10 sign on her dashboard that said, “MEDIA.” But because of sound walls blocking the view and the position of her car, it would be difficult to give her accurate directions. After one of those hmmmm-I’m-thinking-uh’s, I pointed, “Oh, it’s over there… in that direction.” Sarcastic would be an understatement describing her response which was, “Great, that really helps me.” I tried to be empathetic. “I know… I’m sorry.” She moved onto curt and snappish. “Yeah right!” Wow did that escalate! And to think she was posing as media. (How I wish I found out who she worked for. I could only narrow it down to print, as she was only with a still camera.)
Is this (lack of) kindness a wave that is sweeping all cultures? What’s the deal? Has the economy and the real estate market and BP and the egg recall just zapped us of vitality and call to champion? And it’s just not media woman. A friend just told me that she had to “break up” with another friend because that friendship was toxic. One more friend told me that a relative is less than supportive and goes out of her way to show it.
As I thought about my friends’ anecdotes and my personal encounter of rudeness with a stranger… I also wrapped up my reading of Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project.” Interesting timing. She observed, “It’s easier to complain than to laugh, easier to yell than to joke around, easier to be demanding than to be satisfied.”
Well I’ve never been into taking the easy way out. I know that I’d be feeding the monster by calling people out… so it will be one kind act at a time from me (and a test of my patience, I’m sure). I hope that we Americans cultivate a culture of kindness once again.
